Paper planes - In the hands of a child (in this case the children of the sea gypsy village), they were the tools that broke the ice! Versatile these game tools are, once they lift off from your hands, they can soar, cut through air, poke, glide, dive, into the water - soaked -, crushed, gone. Paper they are, planes they once were. I've launched my plane, now let me see where it flies.

Mrs Foo mentioned this. Said we should continue leading normal lives (ie read newspaper, exercise etc.) despite the once-in-a-lifetime experience coming right up. Well, my response to her would be that my life has always been what it is --- (almost) focussed.

Hasn't it already been established during the course of human history that anger contorts your face and makes it red, sadness is :( and happyness is :) ?

Our inner feelings versu the representations of them.

Things just arent so simple. Certain feelings we just can't find appropriate representations for, much less describe them in words. Same as traditional chinese medicine, in contrast with western medicinal techniques. You know the symptoms, but do you really know the source? In a way, feelings are not much different from ailments. In a similar way, you may both know not how to go about expressing (in feelings) or treating them (as in ailments).

As it turns out, these are but natural dilemas in life. Let nature take its course, ailments develop into full blown diseases and take our lives away. What can we do? These are but what nature decrees (natural selection some may say). but NO! Technology has offered some investigation and inroads into realising its source. Our feelings no matter how much we mask still overflow into our daily actions. And no, there just arent clear representations for them.
Even if others can't comprehend, neither can its source. I mean, don't we often intend something yet do another? To quote Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland), -

`Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
`I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know.'

- How not the same thing abit these two are! And how vastly different outcomes both would bring.

In the meantime, all I know is that there is this blackhole between our feelings and what we express. And the blackhole sucks!


Shucks...

Status Quo.

What initially started out as a bid to write the longest essay i've ever written on this soon dissolved into sentences of what I feel. Well.. its all about maintaining the status quo - the nonstop mugging, fixated attention on notes notes and... notes. Like everyone tells me, about the thin line between life and death, the thin line between the grades A's, B's to U's, the thin red line (random), much of everything revolves around the decisions we make. Whether its to strive the extra effort to gain (or haggle) for the half a mark, whether its controlling the urge to do the dangerous, we make decisions everyday... consciously, and subconsciously.

I love the status quo, for its where I can measure the pros and cons on both sides of the line. Yet, on the line I have this nagging feeling I'm lacking something, lacking the experience of what life outside the line actually means. Yunsong described it quite aptly! (and with writing it down I shall remember)... many a times we looked, but did not see; listened, but did not hear; touched, but did not feel. How much attention have we actually paid to the people, and things, around us. Theres so much in this world to explore, theres also so much within the realm of being human we cared not to explore.

Once again, when we stand on the lines of everyday decision, agonizing over the 'perfect' decision to take, unwittingly I may well let my heart take the very first step.

OMG..

No donation to us, so no ambulance for you
http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/viewPost5826.aspx
STOMPer Lim is dismayed that the St John Ambulance Brigade that he belongs to did not practise what it pledged.
He said it turned down an organisation's request for an ambulance because it did not make any donation.In an email on 2 Oct, the STOMPer asked: "For the Service of Mankind or for $$$?""Recently my school was approached by an external organisation to conduct a public duty for a badminton event."On behalf of the organisation, my officers approached the relevant authorities to book the ambulance for the duty," the STOMPer said.
"The reply we got was the organiser did not make any donation to St John. Thus, they are not able to support the duty with an ambulance."
The STOMPer found this very disheartening."The motto of the order of St John is for the faith and for the service of mankind. We should be volunteering our service instead for the monetary returns in the form of donations.
"In my opinion, the donations shall only made out of goodwill and not for the service we have done for the public duty. The whole issue could be handled more professionally instead.


I'm not proud of this. The SJAB experience, so close to my heart, has taught me essential skills that I practise (and still honing, learning) even til today. Its painful to see the very spirit of SJAB smeared by an overwhelming need for resources for survival - money. 'Pro Fide - for the faith, Pro Utilitate Hominum - for the service of mankind' are phrases from the pledge taken every year on SJAB day, remain resounding in my mind as I typed this entry. Has the spirit of service been diminished over the years?

Why bother conducting annual first aid competitions in schools if people are doing it for the glory, not for the lessons.
Why bother sticking to rules, guidelines, financial constraints and forgo the basic principle.
Anyway principles are there to stick with, not alter as one deems fit.

Yea still... it is rather unreasonable and uncharitable to dismiss the organisation as a money making unit. Yes its definitely unreasonable! SJAB has taught me loads, and i believe that if i stick to the principles that we uphold in our pledge, this insignificant first aid knowledge I hold would make a great difference to the community. Without those SJAB days, those long days and nights spent mugging the First Aid manual, how am I now able to treat minor injuries sustained with confidence?

The principles STICK, so lets just boot out the improper practices